Pink ...

Today I spent the day with my bestie, getting wigs fitted and styled.NOT, the thing we should be doing today.No one should have to face the reality of losing their hair. Sitting and waiting and wondering," how will I look in this new do", "will anyone notice", "does this wig look like me"" and more importantly, "does this wig make my butt look big?"

My friend Bonnie is forced to go through this as she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last month and is getting ready to go through surgery, chemo and radiation. It breaks my heart to see her or any woman going through this. The scary part of this was that she did everything right, she found a lump, she got the mammogram and surprise the Mammogram came back clear. Now, IMAGINE  if she had believed this inaccurate reading. Bonnie, stood up for herself and  told her Dr the mammogram had to be wrong.Her doctor listened and unfortunately a biopsy confirmed her fears.. As a woman, man, or parent we have to be our best advocate for our medical care.

My suggestions, don't let a Dr or test tell you are okay if you hear that little voice that says that tells you differently. Be strong, be brave and bold when it comes to matters of health. Nuff said.

I want to end this by saying, I am so proud of my friends bravery. I know that she is scared and full of angst for her future. I know she would like to take away the pain and fear this has caused her husband, children, family and friends. She talks more about how this has affected others and not herself. She finds herself comforting others when she is the one that needs warm arms wrapped around her. She needs a soft place to land when things seem unbearable, but she would never admit it.That's just the type of lady she is, one tough cookie.

I hope you will take a minute out of your day to say a little prayer for her and her wonderful family. Remember, one day you may need the prayers, the warm hugs and someone to make you laugh. Cancer affects every family and does not care how beautiful, wealthy, poor, kind or loving you are. One day it affects us all. I guarantee you, when it does I will say my prayers for you. We are all God's children and he wants us to look out for each other. Especially as women, we need to stand together and kick some butt.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, thank you for caring and thank you for praying. I send you my grateful heart..

A Winter's Day

I am the first to admit, I love a cold winter's day. I do however dislike cloudy, gray days that can linger during the winter months. Now, throw in some snow and then we're talking about some fun. I try to surround myself with flowers during this time of year, it always brightens my day. So be prepared to look at a LOT of flowers over the next couple months..

Thanks for your patience..Hope you are all blessed with beautiful sun shiny days and if not, I hope you are surrounded by beautiful flowers..

The Fog

“One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”
― Kahlil Gibran

I'm Back

UPDATE;

I made it through my 8 hour surgery Nov 1st. I enjoyed 5 days in the ICU and another 6 days on the floor. I have been home and trying to recover from the surgery. It has been much harder than I ever imagined, but my family has been by my side ever since. I still have 3 more weeks of family coming to help me, and I am SO grateful.

My big accomplishments of the days are sitting up, laying down, sitting up and laying back down. I even had a few walks around the outside of my house. A set back here and there, but hopeful for continued improvement.

The great NEWS, they got all of the tumor and found NO cancer anywhere else. It was a great gift for me and my family. NO more treatment needed.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Love you all,
Kris

The Day has arrived..I am ready..

August 2011, altered my life in so many ways. I was blessed  with a long weekend with oldest daughter, to celebrate her bridal shower. I will always cherish that weekend. It is also the weekend that brought me to the doctor. Who knew a simple airplane ride would be my sign of a problem.

I have spent my whole life afraid to fly. I have gone into every flight for as long as I can remember with white knuckles and in prayer the plane would remain in the air. This flight in August was no different, except for the fact that I got airsick for the first time on the way to Florida. Then again, on my return trip to Texas. Truthfully, had that not happened I would have  ignored the stomach pain, and  nausea again. I had chalked it up to, exercise, bad eating habits and aging. A quick trip to the dr and a CT scan changed a few things for me. ONE, I am no longer afraid to fly. Two, I found out I had a nasty little tumor growing on my Pancreas. How annoying.. Weeks of testing and drs visits found the answer. A neuroendocrine tumor (NET) of the Pancreas.

My first thought back then was, why me. Well, a lot has changed. Now I say, how blessed I am to have gotten the opportunity to see the compassion, love, kindness, grace and generosity of those around me and from people I have never met. How many of us really get that kind of gift in our lifetime? For me, I have been so completely humbled and awestruck by this that I can't even express the gratitude I give God for this gift.

With this gift comes a price, the small sacrifice is the surgery and lifestyle change for me. As I prepare for tomorrows surgery. Also, the fear and torment my family has endured over the months has been difficult.. For that, I am so very sorry. I am scared of the unkown and the known. So don't think I am some brave soul, that I am not. If I could get out of this, I would run away faster that you could imagine.

I do know a few things, I am surrounded by God's grace, love and healing powers. I am blessed with friends and family that will and have always been by my side. I hope and pray that I WILL come out of this  a better person. I may be missing a few parts, but I hope my heart grows a few sizes, not unlike the Grinch. I think I want to make this blessing worth while..I can never, repay the people in my life for all the love and support, so I will just end it with Thank you and I LOVE YOU..

I am Mommy Dearest.....

It's been one of those days!! You know, the day that makes you long for bedtime..I spent most of the day yelling at kids and it made me feel horrible. I guess having a week of help was such a blessing that I crashed and burned when I was on my own..I guess they sense my stress and are feeding off of it, I hope..Otherwise, they are trying to do me in:)


I am trying so hard to count all my blessings and not look at the negative. The need to have everything in order at the house before the wedding and surgery has turned me into Mommy Dearest..Even though I seem like a crazy woman, there is a reason behind my madness. I am so concerned about making things easier for Mr Man and all those caring for the children has driven me to obsession. If everything is in order and taken care of, it makes the fear of the surgery not seem so overwhelming. Knowing the people coming to help have an easier time because I was prepared makes me feel better.

Okay, part of it is that if I have the house and yard all beautified, then I will have more time to rest and recuperate. I know me, if I have work to be done, I WILL do it no matter what the Dr's orders. I am funny like that:) I guess one might say I am bull headed..Yep, it's true.

On a happy note, because I always like to find the happy side of life somewhere. Rooms are painted, the lawn has been mowed and the office cleaned..Even better than all that. I showered, shaved my legs and am even going to color my hair tonight. Also, a great movie is planned for bedtime..I may even throw in a glass of wine and some key lime pie..

For now, happy  trails and nighty night..I PROMISE to be cheery and full of sunshine the next time I blog.

The Date is Set..

Today, I saw the BIG guy, an awesome Oncologist that is going to perform The "Whipple" surgery on my sad, sorry excuse for a Pancreas. As thought earlier, he again confirmed the Neuroendocrine Tumor and is going to remove it on November 1st. Am I thrilled beyond words to have a plan of action, you betcha and am I scared to death of the surgery, no doubt about it..

Dr Schwarz is saying about 8-12 days in the hospital and about 4 more weeks recovery at home. I think I can do this, it's only a speck of time out of my LONG life.  I will be in great hands, God has always taken good care of me and I am sure he will continue to look out for me..He's good like that.

I will tell you, I am so incredibly grateful to everyone for all the prayers and help for the past few months. I would appreciate it for just a big longer, I promise after they remove the tumor I will try not to be sooooooooo needy:)


The other thing I want to add, PLEASE don't ever ignore those subtle signs your body gives you that something is wrong. Some cancers are very silent and this is why they are so dangerous. I am blessed that a continued stomach ache, and messed up bowels got me to the Dr and I had a Dr that took me seriously and did a CT. YOU must listen to that gut feeling that says, "I don't feel right".

Enough preaching. Thanks for caring and thank you so much for all your love and support.

LOVE YOU ALL,
Kris