Monday, October 31, 2011

The Day has arrived..I am ready..

August 2011, altered my life in so many ways. I was blessed  with a long weekend with oldest daughter, to celebrate her bridal shower. I will always cherish that weekend. It is also the weekend that brought me to the doctor. Who knew a simple airplane ride would be my sign of a problem.

I have spent my whole life afraid to fly. I have gone into every flight for as long as I can remember with white knuckles and in prayer the plane would remain in the air. This flight in August was no different, except for the fact that I got airsick for the first time on the way to Florida. Then again, on my return trip to Texas. Truthfully, had that not happened I would have  ignored the stomach pain, and  nausea again. I had chalked it up to, exercise, bad eating habits and aging. A quick trip to the dr and a CT scan changed a few things for me. ONE, I am no longer afraid to fly. Two, I found out I had a nasty little tumor growing on my Pancreas. How annoying.. Weeks of testing and drs visits found the answer. A neuroendocrine tumor (NET) of the Pancreas.

My first thought back then was, why me. Well, a lot has changed. Now I say, how blessed I am to have gotten the opportunity to see the compassion, love, kindness, grace and generosity of those around me and from people I have never met. How many of us really get that kind of gift in our lifetime? For me, I have been so completely humbled and awestruck by this that I can't even express the gratitude I give God for this gift.

With this gift comes a price, the small sacrifice is the surgery and lifestyle change for me. As I prepare for tomorrows surgery. Also, the fear and torment my family has endured over the months has been difficult.. For that, I am so very sorry. I am scared of the unkown and the known. So don't think I am some brave soul, that I am not. If I could get out of this, I would run away faster that you could imagine.

I do know a few things, I am surrounded by God's grace, love and healing powers. I am blessed with friends and family that will and have always been by my side. I hope and pray that I WILL come out of this  a better person. I may be missing a few parts, but I hope my heart grows a few sizes, not unlike the Grinch. I think I want to make this blessing worth while..I can never, repay the people in my life for all the love and support, so I will just end it with Thank you and I LOVE YOU..

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I am Mommy Dearest.....

It's been one of those days!! You know, the day that makes you long for bedtime..I spent most of the day yelling at kids and it made me feel horrible. I guess having a week of help was such a blessing that I crashed and burned when I was on my own..I guess they sense my stress and are feeding off of it, I hope..Otherwise, they are trying to do me in:)

I am trying so hard to count all my blessings and not look at the negative. The need to have everything in order at the house before the wedding and surgery has turned me into Mommy Dearest..Even though I seem like a crazy woman, there is a reason behind my madness. I am so concerned about making things easier for Mr Man and all those caring for the children has driven me to obsession. If everything is in order and taken care of, it makes the fear of the surgery not seem so overwhelming. Knowing the people coming to help have an easier time because I was prepared makes me feel better.

Okay, part of it is that if I have the house and yard all beautified, then I will have more time to rest and recuperate. I know me, if I have work to be done, I WILL do it no matter what the Dr's orders. I am funny like that:) I guess one might say I am bull headed..Yep, it's true.

On a happy note, because I always like to find the happy side of life somewhere. Rooms are painted, the lawn has been mowed and the office cleaned..Even better than all that. I showered, shaved my legs and am even going to color my hair tonight. Also, a great movie is planned for bedtime..I may even throw in a glass of wine and some key lime pie..

For now, happy  trails and nighty night..I PROMISE to be cheery and full of sunshine the next time I blog.

About Me

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My name is Kris. I am a wife, a mom to six, a photographer, a reader, a Christian, a Diet Coke drinker, a closet ice cream eater, a walker and a memory keeper.. Thanks for coming by to say hi, I can't wait to get to know you :)