The Day has arrived..I am ready..

August 2011, altered my life in so many ways. I was blessed  with a long weekend with oldest daughter, to celebrate her bridal shower. I will always cherish that weekend. It is also the weekend that brought me to the doctor. Who knew a simple airplane ride would be my sign of a problem.

I have spent my whole life afraid to fly. I have gone into every flight for as long as I can remember with white knuckles and in prayer the plane would remain in the air. This flight in August was no different, except for the fact that I got airsick for the first time on the way to Florida. Then again, on my return trip to Texas. Truthfully, had that not happened I would have  ignored the stomach pain, and  nausea again. I had chalked it up to, exercise, bad eating habits and aging. A quick trip to the dr and a CT scan changed a few things for me. ONE, I am no longer afraid to fly. Two, I found out I had a nasty little tumor growing on my Pancreas. How annoying.. Weeks of testing and drs visits found the answer. A neuroendocrine tumor (NET) of the Pancreas.

My first thought back then was, why me. Well, a lot has changed. Now I say, how blessed I am to have gotten the opportunity to see the compassion, love, kindness, grace and generosity of those around me and from people I have never met. How many of us really get that kind of gift in our lifetime? For me, I have been so completely humbled and awestruck by this that I can't even express the gratitude I give God for this gift.

With this gift comes a price, the small sacrifice is the surgery and lifestyle change for me. As I prepare for tomorrows surgery. Also, the fear and torment my family has endured over the months has been difficult.. For that, I am so very sorry. I am scared of the unkown and the known. So don't think I am some brave soul, that I am not. If I could get out of this, I would run away faster that you could imagine.

I do know a few things, I am surrounded by God's grace, love and healing powers. I am blessed with friends and family that will and have always been by my side. I hope and pray that I WILL come out of this  a better person. I may be missing a few parts, but I hope my heart grows a few sizes, not unlike the Grinch. I think I want to make this blessing worth while..I can never, repay the people in my life for all the love and support, so I will just end it with Thank you and I LOVE YOU..