The Fog

“One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”
― Kahlil Gibran

I'm Back

UPDATE;

I made it through my 8 hour surgery Nov 1st. I enjoyed 5 days in the ICU and another 6 days on the floor. I have been home and trying to recover from the surgery. It has been much harder than I ever imagined, but my family has been by my side ever since. I still have 3 more weeks of family coming to help me, and I am SO grateful.

My big accomplishments of the days are sitting up, laying down, sitting up and laying back down. I even had a few walks around the outside of my house. A set back here and there, but hopeful for continued improvement.

The great NEWS, they got all of the tumor and found NO cancer anywhere else. It was a great gift for me and my family. NO more treatment needed.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Love you all,
Kris

The Day has arrived..I am ready..

August 2011, altered my life in so many ways. I was blessed  with a long weekend with oldest daughter, to celebrate her bridal shower. I will always cherish that weekend. It is also the weekend that brought me to the doctor. Who knew a simple airplane ride would be my sign of a problem.

I have spent my whole life afraid to fly. I have gone into every flight for as long as I can remember with white knuckles and in prayer the plane would remain in the air. This flight in August was no different, except for the fact that I got airsick for the first time on the way to Florida. Then again, on my return trip to Texas. Truthfully, had that not happened I would have  ignored the stomach pain, and  nausea again. I had chalked it up to, exercise, bad eating habits and aging. A quick trip to the dr and a CT scan changed a few things for me. ONE, I am no longer afraid to fly. Two, I found out I had a nasty little tumor growing on my Pancreas. How annoying.. Weeks of testing and drs visits found the answer. A neuroendocrine tumor (NET) of the Pancreas.

My first thought back then was, why me. Well, a lot has changed. Now I say, how blessed I am to have gotten the opportunity to see the compassion, love, kindness, grace and generosity of those around me and from people I have never met. How many of us really get that kind of gift in our lifetime? For me, I have been so completely humbled and awestruck by this that I can't even express the gratitude I give God for this gift.

With this gift comes a price, the small sacrifice is the surgery and lifestyle change for me. As I prepare for tomorrows surgery. Also, the fear and torment my family has endured over the months has been difficult.. For that, I am so very sorry. I am scared of the unkown and the known. So don't think I am some brave soul, that I am not. If I could get out of this, I would run away faster that you could imagine.

I do know a few things, I am surrounded by God's grace, love and healing powers. I am blessed with friends and family that will and have always been by my side. I hope and pray that I WILL come out of this  a better person. I may be missing a few parts, but I hope my heart grows a few sizes, not unlike the Grinch. I think I want to make this blessing worth while..I can never, repay the people in my life for all the love and support, so I will just end it with Thank you and I LOVE YOU..

I am Mommy Dearest.....

It's been one of those days!! You know, the day that makes you long for bedtime..I spent most of the day yelling at kids and it made me feel horrible. I guess having a week of help was such a blessing that I crashed and burned when I was on my own..I guess they sense my stress and are feeding off of it, I hope..Otherwise, they are trying to do me in:)


I am trying so hard to count all my blessings and not look at the negative. The need to have everything in order at the house before the wedding and surgery has turned me into Mommy Dearest..Even though I seem like a crazy woman, there is a reason behind my madness. I am so concerned about making things easier for Mr Man and all those caring for the children has driven me to obsession. If everything is in order and taken care of, it makes the fear of the surgery not seem so overwhelming. Knowing the people coming to help have an easier time because I was prepared makes me feel better.

Okay, part of it is that if I have the house and yard all beautified, then I will have more time to rest and recuperate. I know me, if I have work to be done, I WILL do it no matter what the Dr's orders. I am funny like that:) I guess one might say I am bull headed..Yep, it's true.

On a happy note, because I always like to find the happy side of life somewhere. Rooms are painted, the lawn has been mowed and the office cleaned..Even better than all that. I showered, shaved my legs and am even going to color my hair tonight. Also, a great movie is planned for bedtime..I may even throw in a glass of wine and some key lime pie..

For now, happy  trails and nighty night..I PROMISE to be cheery and full of sunshine the next time I blog.

The Date is Set..

Today, I saw the BIG guy, an awesome Oncologist that is going to perform The "Whipple" surgery on my sad, sorry excuse for a Pancreas. As thought earlier, he again confirmed the Neuroendocrine Tumor and is going to remove it on November 1st. Am I thrilled beyond words to have a plan of action, you betcha and am I scared to death of the surgery, no doubt about it..

Dr Schwarz is saying about 8-12 days in the hospital and about 4 more weeks recovery at home. I think I can do this, it's only a speck of time out of my LONG life.  I will be in great hands, God has always taken good care of me and I am sure he will continue to look out for me..He's good like that.

I will tell you, I am so incredibly grateful to everyone for all the prayers and help for the past few months. I would appreciate it for just a big longer, I promise after they remove the tumor I will try not to be sooooooooo needy:)


The other thing I want to add, PLEASE don't ever ignore those subtle signs your body gives you that something is wrong. Some cancers are very silent and this is why they are so dangerous. I am blessed that a continued stomach ache, and messed up bowels got me to the Dr and I had a Dr that took me seriously and did a CT. YOU must listen to that gut feeling that says, "I don't feel right".

Enough preaching. Thanks for caring and thank you so much for all your love and support.

LOVE YOU ALL,
Kris

Meet My New Granddogger

Meet Miss Sadie. This is my new granddog, Katy and James just adopted her and she is so lovely, funny, cute, adorable and has the most beautiful brown eyes. No, I am not at all biased..

                                                       Here she is giving me her best smile

                                       Enjoying a new bone and ignoring my pleas to look at he camera.

                                                         Giving her Mommy a little love

                  This is her, "What up, Granny" expression. "Listen Miss, I prefer not to be called Granny".

 

   I think Sadie and I are going to be best buds. I plan to spoil her ROTTEN, as I should.

Fossils, Friends and Fun ...

There are friends we meet in our lives that come and go. Then there are friends that stay in our lives and hearts forever. 20 years ago, I was a young mom of an adorable 1 year old in a small college town. I had very few friends at that time. Over the span of a few weeks I met a couple of ladies and their sweet little one year old boys. Those women soon became dear friends of mine. One in particular is still a very close friend, Linda. She and her husband Bob are such a neat couple, as our their boys. Who knew one day I would give birth to a child that is so much like my friend, Linda.

My friend and Caroline are like stinky twinkies(that means like twins). My 9 year old loves to draw animals(I can't even draw stick people), she reads everything she can about animals, she adores nature, she is all about the environment,collector of rocks and fossils, she saves every animal known to man that ends up in our yard(even it doesn't want saving). The point here, she is just like Linda.

Last night, a box arrived from Linda and her hubby for Miss Caroline. Imagine her joy when she found books, fossils, a couple cool dino shirts(she is obsessed with dinosaurs) and a neat little pottery bunny. She was in heaven.

                                   Here she is reading the big cat book. Okay, this went on for hours.

                                                                         and hours

                                                   still reading, she really loves to read,

 When the family got home, she pulled out the fossils and they all gathered around and inspected every fossil

 I guess dinner can wait a few minutes.( Please take the box off my pot of pasta, please)

                                                       "look at this one mom, isn't this cool".

                                              Even big brothers love shark teeth and fossils.

 Little girls love tshirts with Dinosaurs on them. I think this is the bird that Bob discovered in the Sante Fe River. How cool is that!! BTW: she slept in the shirt and is still wearing it today.

"Miss Linda, is this the Manatee tooth?" Caroline loved this fossilized tooth. Needless to say, my child is in hog heaven and is so beyond thrilled with her new treasures. THANK YOU, Linda and Bob for these very cherished gifts for my little one. All it did was make her want to be a Paleontologist more than ever.